7/7/25 ????-TBD.
7/6/25 9:30PM-The guilt i feel from complaining to my partner is immesurable at times. I talk about the things I wish I had, the people I still wish were in my life, the things i miss deeply; and every time i feel as if i make them upset. they go quet and get cold, a feeling i would wish on no one. feeling sudden mood and environmental mood changes is disgusting, very much so when nothing actually happened. i will think to myself quietly at night: "what if i didnt talk as much?". I surely feel like it would solve some of my problems. When I open my mouth, upsetting and repugnant words fall from me; i never quite think things through when i do. it always ends up being something i immediately regret, i will sit in silence, replaying the moment in my head, wondering what situation i would be in if i never said anything to make people upset. I sit, blanking on whats going on outside, and stay in my head, telling myself ive fucked up. telling myself that if i just want the way i am, things would be better. maybe we need more time alone again. maybe im holding them back from making friends, having a fun life. all because i want to complain about what i wish i still had. im sorry you wish you still had the same things.